Who wears the pants in this family?

Readers, something very frightening happened to me last night, and I wanted to share it with you right away in the hopes of possibly saving you future trauma. We got home from an Easter visit to Grandma and Grandpa's, and after a late dinner, I was napping on the living room floor, minding my own business. Mama was on the couch trying to fix her computer (silly PC users!), and Mom was unpacking in the bedroom. Now, when I say I was "napping," I mean that, as usual, I may have had my eyes closed, but I was certainly aware of my surroundings. I take my responsibility for observing and documenting the goings-on of the household very seriously, and I NEVER sleep on the job. So, when I saw a very strange being walk into the living room, I knew immediately that something was wrong.

This person had not entered through the front door, where normal immigration procedures apply (ie, greeting, sniffing, jumping, licking, etc.), it had simply appeared as if it came from the bedroom, but I was sure that my moms and I were alone. Stranger still, the person was wearing something very, very disturbing. It was sort of like those lampshades that I see some dogs at the vet wearing, but over its legs instead of on its head. I figured this bizarre dress and furtive entry could only mean trouble. I went straight into intruder mode, growling a low, threatening growl, and curling my lip. Then, the creature spoke. She said, "Ollie, what's wrong with you?" I paused, tilted my head to see this intruder better, and took a sniff. She smelled like...Mom! Well, right away I ran over and gave her copious kisses to try to cover up the fact that I had mistaken her for an intruder. Then she and Mama started laughing, which just made me feel stupid. How was I supposed to know that Mom was just trying on a dress she bought while Mama was busy picking out an LCD TV? Mom and Mama are only supposed to wear pants, where you can see both legs, and there is no scary lampshade-like fabric. I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I just don't approve of women these days wearing dresses, especially when you're been around for four months like I have and have never seen them wear one. Mom took the dress off and (thank goodness!) put on some normal sweatpants, and then sat down and explained to me that since the weather is getting warmer, she might sometimes wear the lampshades on her legs, and that I'd have to get used to it. I felt a little better, but I have to tell you, I think it will take years of therapy later on for me to get over the trauma of seeing Mom in a dress.