Life is like a box of milkbones...

Dear Readers, the drama continues. First, our run-in with the bus. Then, last weekend, I attended my first Festivus. Then, just yesterday, my manhood was seriously violated. First, a few words about Festivus.

Ok, well, two words for starters: Hot Dogs. Contrary to the name, hot dogs do not contain any actual dog. I enjoy delicious foods, but I am no cannibal. Festivus, from what I can tell, is a two day affair that should adopt the motto: Consume mass quantities. Happily, the motto applies to canine Festivans as well as humans. So, I spent the weekend as a celebrity, because all my cousins wanted to hear the story of my adventure with the school bus, and how I was a hero, plus, I got to sample a number of traditional Festivus delicacies like hot dogs and meatballs. Some of my cousins can get a little rowdy, but never fear, I kept them in line. Plus, my new friend Jim was there, and we had a great time discussing llamas, though I'm not sure why he didn't bring his football--don't forget that next time, Jim, I need to work on my spiral!

After all the excitement, I came home and slept for a few days. I was just starting to feel back to my old self, when I woke up yesterday morning, and instead of leaving me to work on my blog alone at home, like usual, Mom and Mama loaded me in the car and we went for a drive. Turns out, the drive ended at the vet, a.k.a. Ollie's Easy Cheese Tasting Room. Anyhow, they were nice enough, but then, Mom and Mama left me there! I don't know what they were thinking, why they would leave a place with so much free cheese, but there I was, all by my lonesome.

I can't describe what happened to me next, as this is a family blog. Let's just say, I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I found that some very important parts of my manhood were shaved bare, and still others were missing. I mean, completely GONE. And the drugging, oh, all I can say is that it felt like I got run over by a bus! All I could do is lie down and whine in my most pathetic manner. I even had a cone on my head, so that I could only partially inspect the areas in question. I think I'll pull through, and Mom and Mama have been very kind to me, and are nursing me back to health. I have a theory, though: I think that evil vet may be building a kind of Frankenstein super-dog, and so she decided to steal the best parts from each of her clients. So, of course, she chose me for the pivotal man-parts. I'm not quite sure whether to feel honored or violated.

I'm feeling a bit weak, so I'd better sign off for now, and put on my ultra pathetic face and hope for some hot dogs. When I'm feeling stronger, I'll post some pictures of my new headgear. Until then, if your humans try to take you to the vet and then leave--run, run for the door!