Oliver's Sports Tips

1. When running, always keep your eyes on the road ahead of you. Jogging through your neighborhood or local park is basically like running a very long obstacle course. Resist distractions, because the second you turn your head to check out that hot babe on the other side of the street--BAM! you're going to run face first into the bumper of a Prius. (Hey, it's still Takoma Park...)

2. Say you're out shooting hoops. Don't stand under the net. Eventually, someone is going to get the ball in there.

3. Neither canines nor humans are meant to "twizzle." This is a figure-skating move that involves, as far as I can tell, twirling yourself around in a spastic manner while making jazz hands until you vomit. I'll stick to snow angels.

Bring it on!

First, quick update: never fear, my missing sweater has been located at Grandma's house. Now, I can rotate based on how trendy I'm feeling, and how the Navy football team is doing.



Second, an interesting phenomenon has started. Apparently, by posting my and Mom's snow angel pictures, I have inspired other readers to send me their own snow angel pictures. Here is Aunt Martha's snow angel (note the depth of snow in Buffalo--so jealous I am!)





Aunt Martha also built a snowman named Ernie. I think he looks more like the McDonald's character Grimace, or at least the Bert half of Bert and Ernie, but I'm no expert:
So, readers, the game is on. Send me your best snow pictures, and I shall judge them and decide who, if anyone, has as much fun in the snow as me.

Snowpuppy

Finally! The great white toy has again descended on our nation's capital! If you'll recall from last winter's posting, Toothfairy Leaves Dog Giant Frozen Toy, I am a huge fan of snow. I had been so disappointed that there hadn't been any snow yet this winter that I asked Aunt Martha and Jim to send some down from Buffalo, since they said they had plenty of extra there. They finally delivered-it snowed all day yesterday, and when Mom got home from work, we went for a big romp in the park. It was starting to get dark out, so the pics aren't great, but here's me all suited up in my new coat (Grandma--I lost my "Go Navy" sweater--have you seen it at your house??):

Ah, snow, it's like canine catnip! So, I promised Martha and Jim pictures of our snow angels, so here's Mom's snow angel:

And here's mine:

Anyhow, we had a great time, and then this morning, when we went out for our walk, it had all iced over! The sidewalks, grass, everything, was like a giant skating rink, and I was its loveable yet graceful Scott Hamilton. Ok, so maybe I was more Brian Boitano. The point is, my little paws slid all the way around the block, it was awesome! Tonight when we go out, I'm going to practice my famous double axel-triple lutz combination jump, and I really need to work on my spins.

P.S.:

Raw sweet potato: no squeak.

Goat's milk gouda cheese: no squeak, but darn tasty.

Whirlwind!

Readers, it has been quite the exciting week here in our nation's capital! First, this past weekend Aunt Martha and Jim came to visit me. I love when they're around, we just spend all day playing and eating treats and causing trouble while Mom and Mama are at work. I did try to eat a safety razor (Shick Quattro razor: no squeak)--I think they're an acquired taste. Saturday, the lights went out for a while and Mom and Jim were wearing flashlights on their heads and standing on chairs trying to fix the lights. I wanted to laugh at how ridiculous they looked, but I was too scared of the dark. On Sunday, Winston came over and we watched the game together. I'm a Giants fan, but seeing as though they're out of the race, I borrowed Winston's Steelers terrible towel and took it on a little victory lap around the living room. Also, Bevan came over with a whole bag full of a great toy. She had this huge ball of string, with some sticks attached to it--it was like two toys in one! So, I grabbed the ball and tried to see how many times I could wrap the string around the dining room table before they caught me. Fun times.

Anyhow, this leads me to the most exciting day, which was Tuesday. Mom woke me up REALLY early and I did NOT want to get out of bed. I didn't know what she was so excited about, but she was dressed like a giant marshmallow. She was wearing so many layers of clothes she could barely lift me out of bed and walk down the stairs. Anyhow, we got in the car and it was still dark! Imagine my surprise when we pulled up to Winston's house! In any case, the moms left to go do something or another, but Winston and I hung out all day, glued to the TV watching the inauguration. I can tell you that everyone here was very excited, and there were people everywhere. We're hoping that the new administration will bring some dog-friendly policies and tax credits for socks and peanut butter.

This is Oliver, reporting live from our nation's capital...

But, I'm big boned!

A very distressing thing happened to me Friday evening, and I'm just now coming to terms with it. I'd been telling myself it was just my winter coat coming in, or that training for the 5K has made me bulk up, but it's time to face the music. I, Oliver, am a pudgy poodle. I stepped onto the scale at the vet's office, and was so shocked to see the numbers that I tried to jump right off. It seems that since my "procedure" in May, I have gained three pounds! That may not sound like a lot, but it was an increase of nearly 20%! That's like a 150 pound person gaining 30 pounds! The vet was very tactful and said I looked good, but that I "didn't need to gain any MORE weight."

Needless to say, I'm now on a strict diet. I'm really cutting back and limiting myself to one peanut butter snack per day, no exceptions. I'm thinking of using my blog as part food diary to count calories. For example, on Sunday, I ate:

• Two 3/4 cup servings of Nutro dog food
• two small chunks of rawhide bone
• four tufts of Winston's fur (we play rough)
• two cardboard drink coasters
• one pita cracker
• one paper napkin
• one twistie tie
• the cap to the orange juice carton
• two spoons coated in peanut butter while I was having my manicure
• half of Winston's peanut butter while he was getting his manicure
• one of those puffy cheese poof dog treats that Cousin Jason sent for me
• my usual bedtime snack of 5-7 pieces of whatever dog food Mom got a free sample of at the organic pet store

Anyone know how many calories are in a paper napkin?

Musical Tastes

Dear Mama,
I chewed up your Clay Aiken Christmas CD. I did it for your own good. Really, no sane person should listen to that stuff. I will replace it with a CD of Oliver-approved R&B. Trust me, the ladies love it. You can thank me later.
Oliver

Peanut Butter

I just wanted to take a minute to tell the audience out there how much I love peanut butter. I mean, I really, really, really love it. I think more than socks. Gasp! I know, it sounds crazy, but it's true. There is nothing better than a Kong full of that smooth, peanutty goodness. Once, when I was over at Winston's house, his moms tried to give us all-natural organic peanut butter. Unacceptable. I have done very scientific taste-tests and found that my own Oliver's brand (I know that's what it is because the jar has my name written on it) is definitely the best peanut butter money can buy. Bring on the hydrogenated oil.

Turnips: The Forbidden Fruit

An addition to the squeak/no squeak data set:
Turnips: no squeak.
I found this out when I noticed a bag from the farmer's market sitting on the kitchen floor last night. I investigated and found several small, round objects that did not look remarkably different from your average tennis ball, only less furry. I thought I'd check one out to see if it was worth either eating or playing with. Word to the wise: turnips do not taste good. Stick with the socks and underwear. However, turnips are fun to play with, even without the squeak. They roll on the floor in a pleasing manner, are just the right size to fit in your mouth, and your humans will chase you if you steal one. Just resist the urge to bite off a chunk.

I love Saturday

So, what do you think, two days in a row, not too shabby! I suppose I should tell you, I've spent most of today sleeping. We had a little run in the park, but other than that, it's been the big snooze. That's because yesterday, Mom and Mama came home from dinner with a new friend for me. Mama's cousin, Cristina, had the privilege of staying at my place in our nation's capital. She was very nice, she let me steal her hat, and we stayed up real late. It's not too often I get to bond with my extended family, and I hope she comes to visit again soon. So, now we're all watching the game and having a beer (Beer--who knew a plant-based food could be so delicious!) In any case, I forgot that the pics of me and Ruthie Kramer were on Grandma's camera, so I'm working on getting those for you. Until then, I hope you're all making progress on your resolutions!

Oliver's Rockin' New Year

Happy 2009! I must say, it has been a very busy holiday season for yours truly, and I'm still recovering from all the partying. I spent a lot of quality time at Grandma's, and made a new, feline friend. I know what you're thinking--"Ollie, you're WAY too cool to hang around cats, what were you thinking?" But, hear me out. Her name is Ruthie Kramer, and she shares my affinity for attention, food, and staring out (or, in her case, in) the window. I'll post a picture soon, but she lives outside Grandma's house, and every once in a while she comes in for a visit. In any case, Ruthie's one tough kitty--she lives outside without a sharp "Go Navy" sweater like mine, and she finds her way around the whole neighborhood by herself. Not too shabby for a pet of the feline persuasion.

In any case, the point of this post is to tell you that, like any good American, I've made some New Year's resolutions. I think they are all reasonable goals, and I'm going to try my best to stick to them:

1. Go cold turkey and quit my sock habit.
2. Even if it's only one sentence, write in my blog at least 5 days a week, no exceptions. Except when I make exceptions.
3. Post pictures in my blog at least once a week.
4. Re: resolution #1: Get the patch, as I've just fallen off the "giving up socks cold turkey" bandwagon.
5. Be nicer to Winston, except when he's being a lame-o doofus.
6. Train with Mom for the "Fast and Furriest" 5K race next October.
7. Overcome my fear of parked cars.

Meanwhile, Mama has made a resolution of her own: http://iamstayinghere.blogspot.com

We'll have to see who can keep theirs better.

It's a sock, it's a squeaky toy, it's...

SuperPoodle!!

Sometimes humans have crazy ideas, but there is one that has recently come to my attention that I find rather enjoyable. This would be Halloween. Put on a costume that only serves to increase my already ginourmous adorability, and spend the night gallavanting around, eating candy? Yes, please! I attended a very fashionable, hip party dressed as "SuperPoodle." Winston was my trusty sidekick, but I made him a cape just like mine so he would think we were equally super. I must say, the underoos were quite cozy--if anyone's thinking of an early Hannukah present, Winston and I both wear size 2T-4T.

Atonement

Greetings on this Yom Kippur day. First, you should know that I'm finally not a bastard child anymore--Mom and Mama got hitched, and I feel like my new standing as a puppy-in-wedlock has given me a new sense of responsibility. Therefore, I am going to devote this posting to atoning for the few, itty-bitty, nearly insignificant sins I have committed this past year.






Martha and Jim: I'm sorry for peeing on your bed. I got WAY too excited about the golf balls.

Mama: I'm sorry I chewed up your Spiderman glasses. They looked kind of like candy. Boy, was that a mistake.

Mom: I'm sorry I can't stop sticking my head inside your work bag. It's so cozy in there, and there are sometimes snacks!

Grandma Focarazzo: I'm sorry I ate your plants. And dug one up. And got dirt all over the carpet.

Winston: I'm sorry I stole your monkey and chewed off one of the arms.

Mom: I'm sorry I got caught in the bathtub for the 1,000th time. I'm trying to stop, but I think I might be addicted to bath water. Plus, Dove doesn't taste too bad, especially the green kind.

Mama: I'm sorry I peed on you when I got home from camp. I was SO happy to see you that I kind of lost it.

Jen: I'm sorry I chewed your knitting pattern. Maybe it can be like an extra-super-challenge now.

Colleen and Becky: I'm sorry I pooped in your hallway when I was sleeping over. I'm even sorrier I tried to make you think it was Winston.

Winston: Sorry I tried to make you take the rap for the poop in the hallway.

Mom: I'm sorry for running away from the bus. I thought I could drag you out of the way, but you just didn't hold on tight enough. Next time, I'll just bark like crazy.

Hanna: I'm sorry I wouldn't share my stick with you at the park. I'm older (in dog years, anyway), and I should have been more mature. Next time we play, I'll let you win.

Mean old man neighbor: I'm sorry I mistook you for someone who has a heart. Clearly you are not a friend of the canines, and I won't try to share the love again.

Kelly the groomer: I'm sorry I may have acted a bit grumpy that one time. It was not so long after my "operation" and I wasn't in the best of moods. You're really an ok person, and I hope you'll be my stylist forever and ever.

Ben D.: I'm sorry for not reading your vibes right when I first met you. You rock--I'd share my toys with you any day.

To everyone who's ever stayed at our house: I'm sorry for stealing your socks. I've acknowledged my problem, which is the first step to recovery.

Anyhow, I'm sure there are more, but the fasting has gotten me a bit light-headed, and it's hard to focus on the screen. So, happy atoning everyone, and let's hope Mom and Mama will let me have something other than kibble for break fast!

Me, me, me

It seems that you, the people, just can't get enough of me, the Oliver. So, here are some more pictures to help get you through your Tuesday...

Eh, Fuggedaboudit.

I'm not coming out until that vacuum cleaner is in the next zip code.

Winnie, go easy on the Pepsi!

No, no, a little to the left, get the waterfall in the background, it makes me look sporty.

Toby, a novel, by Jack Schaffer

I almost forgot to give you an update on my new friend, Toby. As a sign of friendship, I MAY have sent Toby a giant crab with claws that squeak (I tested them myself). I heard back from Toby that he found the crab even tastier than poop, which says a lot. Here are some prize pics of Toby and the crab.

Oliver: Olympic Hopeful?

It's official, I'm in training for the Olympics. My event is the creek swim. After all my dry-land practice in the hallway, it turns out I'm an excellent swimmer. I discovered this one day when it was very hot out, and Mom and I were walking in the park. As you may know, summers in our nation's capital can be downright steamy, so as we passed by the creek it was ever-so-tempting. I convinced Mom that we should just dip our toes in, but then we both had so much fun that we ended up splashing around in the cool water. In some parts, the creek is deep enough for me to swim in (there are some benefits to only being 2 feet tall). Here I am doing my patented doggie-paddle-butt-float:
Anyhow, this was all practice for the big event. This past weekend, we were happily driving around in the mountains near Shenandoah, VA, when something crazy happened, and we all ended up on a river in these giant inflatable toys! Luckily, I had my canine personal flotation device with me (You know what I and Longfellow the Water Safety Whale always say, "Don't just pack it, wear your jacket!"). Mom and Mama didn't seem too concerned about the whole thing, but I was determined to pull us all to shore. I swam with all my might for 3 miles down the Shenandoah River until I finally managed to get us to dry land. Unfortunately, there aren't any photos of my heroic feats, because Mama left her camera at home after the canoe-in-the-Erie-canal incident. I paddled for what seemed like hours, stopping only to rest in Mom's giant inflatable toy and eat river weeds. Eventually, we were on the river so long that the sun started to set and I knew if I didn't get us to safety soon, hypothermia would set in. I felt like I was in a Reader's Digest story, where everything starts out fine and dandy on a sunny summer day, and then in the blink of an eye, it all turns tragic.

Ok, so there wasn't really any tragedy. But I did pull everyone to safety, and we dried off and found the car and made it home and then I slept all day Sunday to recharge and reflect on my role as protector of this family. In any case, all the ladies we saw on the river swooned over me in my PFD, so I'll have to model it at home and take some pictures for you.

In other news, I have finally figured out the whole car thing. Basically, only good things happen when I get in the car. I either go to visit one of my grandparents or Aunt Martha or my buddy Winston or to the dog park, or I go to the Easy Cheese store. The car is the portal to all things tasty and fun. There is only one problem, I think you'll agree, and that is that my chariot is much too plain and boring for a fashionista like myself. Here I am, nonetheless, trying my best to rock the Honda Element:
As you can see, it lacks something...leopard print seat covers, perhaps? Well, I'd better get back to redecorating the crate (faux shearling is SO out this season). Toodles!

Funny Humans

Every once in a while, some humans come along who are so clever and funny that I must tell the world about them. These are my pals Bevan and Venessa, and they are funnier than Mom's hair first thing in the morning (and that's saying something.) I command you to watch their music video, but I have first dibs on auditioning to be a backup dancer for their next performance.

World, meet Toby. Toby, meet Cyberspace!

Dear readers,
It is with great joy and excitement that I introduce you to my future best friend, Toby. Toby lives in California with Mom's friend Ilana. Ilana happens to be one of my biggest fans, dog-lover that she is, so I totally approve of her as a human companion for a canine like Toby. I haven't met Toby yet, but he seems like a swell guy who deserves the best.
The language of humans can sometimes be hard to understand, so, to help you communicate with your humans, I've defined some key phrases for you: (I can't help it, my mom's a linguist!)

"No" = You cute thing, do that again!
"What are you eating?" = I'm so glad you've chosen such a healthy snack.
"Give that back/That's not yours/Drop it/Stop, canine thief!" = What's mine is yours, my
four-legged friend.
"What the *beep* did you do?" = Your creativity at entertaining me continues to amaze.
"Time for a bath." = Run.
"[Name of food] is not for doggies" = Would you like a second helping?
"I'm going to sell you to the glue factory" = You have me wrapped so tight around your pinky finger that you could do anything and I'd still love you.
"We're going to see that nice vet lady." = Time for Easy Cheese!

And my one big piece of advice: If you're going to do something that you think your humans won't be too happy about (hey, we all have our moments), just wait til they're not watching. It will save everyone a lot of grief in the long run.

So, Toby, I hope you're having fun in your new home, and that we get to sniff each other's butts in person soon!

Love,
Your BFF, Oliver

Buffaloes are just big, ugly dogs

I've returned from my great adventure to western New York, and I have to tell you, I wouldn't mind hanging out there again. The weather was lovely, a nice break from the humidity in our nation's capital (I am covered in black fur, as you'll recall). The company was also lovely--my Aunt Martha and best buddy Jim seem willing to let me do as I please (still sorry about the whole peeing on the bed thing!). They also have wall-to-wall carpeting (MUCH better for running around than wood floors), and there seem to be toys in every nook and cranny. So, I spent the weekend fetching Jim's golf balls, playing guitar hero, grilling out, and just relaxing. Plus, Martha and Jim have easily twice as many flip flops as we do at home, and you know how I like a good, chewy flip flop.

Now, I would send you a picture of me kicking back with a nice cold beer, waiting for the burgers to grill, but I can't. Why, you ask? Well, that would be because I made the monumentally stupid mistake of lending my camera to Mama. She and Mom and Martha and Jim were all going "kayaking" and "canoeing." I had never heard of either of those things, but it sounded kind of like "cleaning," which is really boring, and not at all risky for a camera. Anyhow, they got back later that afternoon, WITHOUT MY CAMERA! Apparently, kayaking and canoeing are things you do in the water, there was some sort of water fight incident, and my camera had taken a little dip in the Erie Canal. Unacceptable. I mean, how dumb can you be? This is highly sensitive digital equipment we're talking about--unlike yours truly, cameras do NOT like to go swimming! So, long story short, I seem to have not only lost my pictures from the beginning of the trip, but now I have no way of recording my experiences. You, the readers, are the real losers, because you won't get to see any more of my handsome visage until Mama replaces my camera.

ANYWAY, we all have to let go sometimes in life and move on. Hopefully, I can salvage pictures of Winston and I swimming in the creek near our house. Winston came and slept over one night while his moms were away, and we had a great time. It was so hot that Mom and Mama took us swimming to cool off. Basically, Winston is like the Xander to my Buffy. He came in and swam eventually, but the whole time he kept saying, "Ollie, I'm not so sure this is a good idea...The water could be dangerous...Are you sure you know how to swim...blah, blah, blah" He's a good guy, but sometimes he's a bit of a weenie. I miss you, Win--stop by to play sometime soon.

My Idol

I forgot that I wanted to share with you my favorite television program. I've seen it several times recently, and it stars a fantastically talented canine named Dolce. Hollywood scouts, take notice, I'm available, and I could SOOO do this!

Ollie Strikes Back

Well, it has been many moons, but fear not, dear readers, I have been thinking of you! I am freed of the evil cone hat, finally, and am back to my old antics, and some new ones. First, here are a few pictures of the cone days...

Here is me with my friend, Justin, the only one in the house who could begin to understand what I was going through...

That was the first day after my surgery, before my moms figured out that I could still get at my stitches, even with the cone on. They tried a bigger cone, but it was so big it fell off my head! So, Mama came up with this "cone extension"...

For the first couple days I just pretty much lied around and made them feel sorry for me. Then, I realized I could use the cone as a tool. I started using it to scoop up all manner of objects, and it was also good to do headstands on!

Anyhow, I'm now feeling much better, so on to more important things. I've realized lately that there have been some parts of my house that I've really left unexplored. For example, I always thought that the bedroom closet was merely a place to steal socks and other dirty laundry from. Nay nay! I spent some quality time in there last night, (Mom and Mama thought I was lost), and there are all sorts of fun things--flip flops, hiking boots, stockings, even a life size ET doll! Another fun area is the bathtub. Now, I know, I've talked about the bathtub before, but I'd never really just hopped in there while it was unoccupied. It's nice and cool in there, it has snacks like soap and shaving cream, and sometimes leftover bath water.

Let's see, what else has happened since my surgery...

• I bit my tongue while playing with my buddies and had to be taken to the vet
• I spent a few days at Grandma and Grandpa's in Delaware while the air conditioning in our house was broken
• I went on my first hike in the mountains
• I got attacked by two crazed Dobermans in the park

Plus, I can add the following items to the list of things I've tried to consume:

• Kitchen timer
• Sharpie marker
• Blue cake frosting
• a CD
• three different types of keychains
• dandelions
• Mom's hibiscus tree
• watering can
• bottle cap
• Wii remote
• bathing suit
• a moth
• tape dispenser
• bar of soap
• shampoo bottle
• ladies disposable razor

Of all the things on the list, I think I'd only go back for seconds of the blue frosting and maybe the hibiscus tree. Although, the soap was kind of tasty--I'm not sure why washing your mouth out with soap would be a punishment.

In any case, I'm sorry for my prolonged absence, and I assure you that it will not be so long until you hear about my next adventures. I'm about to take a trip to Buffalo, and I'm sure there will be many good stories to tell.