Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Toby, a novel, by Jack Schaffer
I almost forgot to give you an update on my new friend, Toby. As a sign of friendship, I MAY have sent Toby a giant crab with claws that squeak (I tested them myself). I heard back from Toby that he found the crab even tastier than poop, which says a lot. Here are some prize pics of Toby and the crab.
Oliver: Olympic Hopeful?
It's official, I'm in training for the Olympics. My event is the creek swim. After all my dry-land practice in the hallway, it turns out I'm an excellent swimmer. I discovered this one day when it was very hot out, and Mom and I were walking in the park. As you may know, summers in our nation's capital can be downright steamy, so as we passed by the creek it was ever-so-tempting. I convinced Mom that we should just dip our toes in, but then we both had so much fun that we ended up splashing around in the cool water. In some parts, the creek is deep enough for me to swim in (there are some benefits to only being 2 feet tall). Here I am doing my patented doggie-paddle-butt-float: 
Anyhow, this was all practice for the big event. This past weekend, we were happily driving around in the mountains near Shenandoah, VA, when something crazy happened, and we all ended up on a river in these giant inflatable toys! Luckily, I had my canine personal flotation device with me (You know what I and Longfellow the Water Safety Whale always say, "Don't just pack it, wear your jacket!"). Mom and Mama didn't seem too concerned about the whole thing, but I was determined to pull us all to shore. I swam with all my might for 3 miles down the Shenandoah River until I finally managed to get us to dry land. Unfortunately, there aren't any photos of my heroic feats, because Mama left her camera at home after the canoe-in-the-Erie-canal incident. I paddled for what seemed like hours, stopping only to rest in Mom's giant inflatable toy and eat river weeds. Eventually, we were on the river so long that the sun started to set and I knew if I didn't get us to safety soon, hypothermia would set in. I felt like I was in a Reader's Digest story, where everything starts out fine and dandy on a sunny summer day, and then in the blink of an eye, it all turns tragic.
Ok, so there wasn't really any tragedy. But I did pull everyone to safety, and we dried off and found the car and made it home and then I slept all day Sunday to recharge and reflect on my role as protector of this family. In any case, all the ladies we saw on the river swooned over me in my PFD, so I'll have to model it at home and take some pictures for you.
In other news, I have finally figured out the whole car thing. Basically, only good things happen when I get in the car. I either go to visit one of my grandparents or Aunt Martha or my buddy Winston or to the dog park, or I go to the Easy Cheese store. The car is the portal to all things tasty and fun. There is only one problem, I think you'll agree, and that is that my chariot is much too plain and boring for a fashionista like myself. Here I am, nonetheless, trying my best to rock the Honda Element:
As you can see, it lacks something...leopard print seat covers, perhaps? Well, I'd better get back to redecorating the crate (faux shearling is SO out this season). Toodles!
Anyhow, this was all practice for the big event. This past weekend, we were happily driving around in the mountains near Shenandoah, VA, when something crazy happened, and we all ended up on a river in these giant inflatable toys! Luckily, I had my canine personal flotation device with me (You know what I and Longfellow the Water Safety Whale always say, "Don't just pack it, wear your jacket!"). Mom and Mama didn't seem too concerned about the whole thing, but I was determined to pull us all to shore. I swam with all my might for 3 miles down the Shenandoah River until I finally managed to get us to dry land. Unfortunately, there aren't any photos of my heroic feats, because Mama left her camera at home after the canoe-in-the-Erie-canal incident. I paddled for what seemed like hours, stopping only to rest in Mom's giant inflatable toy and eat river weeds. Eventually, we were on the river so long that the sun started to set and I knew if I didn't get us to safety soon, hypothermia would set in. I felt like I was in a Reader's Digest story, where everything starts out fine and dandy on a sunny summer day, and then in the blink of an eye, it all turns tragic.
Ok, so there wasn't really any tragedy. But I did pull everyone to safety, and we dried off and found the car and made it home and then I slept all day Sunday to recharge and reflect on my role as protector of this family. In any case, all the ladies we saw on the river swooned over me in my PFD, so I'll have to model it at home and take some pictures for you.
In other news, I have finally figured out the whole car thing. Basically, only good things happen when I get in the car. I either go to visit one of my grandparents or Aunt Martha or my buddy Winston or to the dog park, or I go to the Easy Cheese store. The car is the portal to all things tasty and fun. There is only one problem, I think you'll agree, and that is that my chariot is much too plain and boring for a fashionista like myself. Here I am, nonetheless, trying my best to rock the Honda Element:
As you can see, it lacks something...leopard print seat covers, perhaps? Well, I'd better get back to redecorating the crate (faux shearling is SO out this season). Toodles!
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