Six Degrees to Oliver

Dearest Readers,

While my moms are busy boot-scooting the night away in Nashville, I have been at home taking care of my lovely grandfather, working on my crate-dragging endurance (I can make it all the way across the living room now!), and researching my namesake.  My moms must have known that a only a name with a noble and storied history would be appropriate for yours truly.  It is thought that the name "Oliver" comes from the Old French "Olivier" (a bit pretentious, if you ask me), or from the Scandinavian name "Olaf," meaning "ancestor" or "talisman."  More impressive than its etymology is the long list of Olivers that have come before me.  

No doubt you've heard of Oliver Cromwell, hero of the Commonwealth of England.  Cromwell's nickname as a soldier was "Old Ironsides," which is also the name of the most famous poem written by Oliver Wendell Holmes.  Holmes shares a middle name with Oliver Wendell Douglas, star of the critically acclaimed television series Green Acres.  Douglas bears a surprising resemblance to Oliver the Chimpanzee, who was commonly called a "humanzee" due to his surprisingly human-like bipedal stride and facial features.  The chimp is celebrated as a saint in the postmodern religion SubGenius, but is not the only Oliver with religious ties.  Oliver of Malmesbury was a Benedictine monk who built a pair of mechanical wings and attempted to reenact the myth of Deadalus.  Speaking of wings, Oliver North, star of the Iran-Contra scandal, appeared on several episodes of the sitcom Wings, playing himself.  

As you can see, I have many worthy role models to look up to.  When my moms bring back my camera, I'll post more pictures of myself in my Christmas finery.  Until then, I wish you all a happy new year!

My mentor...and French Fries

So, as you may have guessed, I am not the first dog in cyberspace.  I was inspired to share with you my innermost thoughts and musings after I read a blog written by a fabulous cockerspaniel named Jack.  You should all become loyal followers of his adventures at http://jackwalters.blogspot.com.  I can only hope to become as wise and enterprising as Jack. Perhaps we can meet one day and I can get a personal lesson.  And as Jack suggests, I am adding a Blackberry to my wishlist so that I can blog from inside my crate.  Luckily, my mom likes to bake, so she will be happy (I'm sure) to make Jack's recipe for Snickerpoodles.  

In other news, I managed to attempt to eat a record number of items today.  The list includes, but is not limited to:

the carpet

a purple croc (only the left one)

socks, of course

a large, black rock

some tall grasses

another dog's poop

a scary mushroomy thing

a black walnut

several sticks

a paper towel

a bra

a guitar tuner

an issue of Outdoor Photographer

an issue of Cook's Illustrated

the toilet

the shower curtain

mom's coat

my collar

mom's cell phone

mom's reindeer antlers

and...the piece de resistance...half a french fry I found on the floor of the elevator!  

I think this was a good day's work, and tomorrow I'll try to eat many new items and tell you how they taste.  Luckily, I met a dog named Nora this morning in the park who told me if you dig through the couch cushions, you'll reach Alaska.  I have heard that Alaska is full of dogs and fish and other fun things, so I'm going to be digging every chance I get.  I'll let you know when I make it there.

That's Sir Oliver to you!

Welcome, adoring fans! It is my distinct pleasure to invite you to my brand-new, super-fantastic, free-range, organic, fair trade, ergonomically designed blog. Yes, it has become clear to me that the hoi polloi are desperate for a place to converse about Oliver- and poodle-related current events, and I, good samaritan that I am, have decided to create just such a place. I will post my highly intelligent commentary on daily life in the People's Republic of Takoma Park, photos of my handsome physique, crate decorating tips, recipes for gourmet dog treats, and the like. You, the people, will comment on and, perhaps, make postings yourself if my humans deem you worthy. Now that you know my plan for internet domination, let me tell you a bit about myself.

I, Sir Oliver (aka: Olivier, Olive, Ollie, Poopsky, Captain Poopypants, Sir Poopsalot, Dr. Pooperschnitzel, etc.), am a four-month-old black miniature poodle living with some extremely dim humans near our nation's capital. In my first four months on earth, my primary exploits have been pooping and sleeping, both of which I verily enjoy. I have a little thing for feet, the smellier the better, so, accordingly, socks are my favorite items of clothing, though my moms have not yet learned to share theirs. I enjoy listening to classical music, polishing floors with my tongue, and going on walks, which I refer to as "visiting nature's smorgasbord." My moms don't seem to enjoy sampling all the tasty treats you find on a walk, like dirt, grass, nuts, pinecones, sticks, rocks, cigarette butts, pre-chewed gum--all delicious! Recently, I have become a connoisseur of a certain type of condiment, known as "Chew-Stop Spray." It really enhances the flavor of things like carpet, curtains, and chair legs, and my moms have been kind enough to spray it on all my favorite things.

So, until next time, I leave it to you, dear readers, to leave comments with the sorts of things you would like to hear me expound upon.