Atonement

Greetings on this Yom Kippur day. First, you should know that I'm finally not a bastard child anymore--Mom and Mama got hitched, and I feel like my new standing as a puppy-in-wedlock has given me a new sense of responsibility. Therefore, I am going to devote this posting to atoning for the few, itty-bitty, nearly insignificant sins I have committed this past year.






Martha and Jim: I'm sorry for peeing on your bed. I got WAY too excited about the golf balls.

Mama: I'm sorry I chewed up your Spiderman glasses. They looked kind of like candy. Boy, was that a mistake.

Mom: I'm sorry I can't stop sticking my head inside your work bag. It's so cozy in there, and there are sometimes snacks!

Grandma Focarazzo: I'm sorry I ate your plants. And dug one up. And got dirt all over the carpet.

Winston: I'm sorry I stole your monkey and chewed off one of the arms.

Mom: I'm sorry I got caught in the bathtub for the 1,000th time. I'm trying to stop, but I think I might be addicted to bath water. Plus, Dove doesn't taste too bad, especially the green kind.

Mama: I'm sorry I peed on you when I got home from camp. I was SO happy to see you that I kind of lost it.

Jen: I'm sorry I chewed your knitting pattern. Maybe it can be like an extra-super-challenge now.

Colleen and Becky: I'm sorry I pooped in your hallway when I was sleeping over. I'm even sorrier I tried to make you think it was Winston.

Winston: Sorry I tried to make you take the rap for the poop in the hallway.

Mom: I'm sorry for running away from the bus. I thought I could drag you out of the way, but you just didn't hold on tight enough. Next time, I'll just bark like crazy.

Hanna: I'm sorry I wouldn't share my stick with you at the park. I'm older (in dog years, anyway), and I should have been more mature. Next time we play, I'll let you win.

Mean old man neighbor: I'm sorry I mistook you for someone who has a heart. Clearly you are not a friend of the canines, and I won't try to share the love again.

Kelly the groomer: I'm sorry I may have acted a bit grumpy that one time. It was not so long after my "operation" and I wasn't in the best of moods. You're really an ok person, and I hope you'll be my stylist forever and ever.

Ben D.: I'm sorry for not reading your vibes right when I first met you. You rock--I'd share my toys with you any day.

To everyone who's ever stayed at our house: I'm sorry for stealing your socks. I've acknowledged my problem, which is the first step to recovery.

Anyhow, I'm sure there are more, but the fasting has gotten me a bit light-headed, and it's hard to focus on the screen. So, happy atoning everyone, and let's hope Mom and Mama will let me have something other than kibble for break fast!